Puffiness

Today... I am puffy. Not sure why. It is possible... I'm not saying that I did... but it is possible that I ate way too much over Christmas week. This isn't my fault though. We were on vacation at Disneyworld and the meals were part of the vacation package so it would have been like throwing money out the window if I hadn't eaten, right? It was suggested that the puffiness might be from the flight home but I was puffy before I got on the plane, otherwise that would have been an awesome excuse! You know you've put on a few pounds when you get to the roller coaster ride at a place like Disneyworld and the attendant checks YOUR seat bar to make sure it latched. Why not check the little cutie in front of me or the 4 year old in the front car, huh? I've apparently grown into the amusement park category of high liability risk! Now, I know I'm not what they call "morbidly obese" but it is seriously time to drop some pounds. Options for doing that:

1) Surgically remove any unnecessary bodily organs. This is a good option however it is very expensive and I'm not sure I have very many of these left. Tonsils, appendix, gull bladder, ear lobes... what do you think those weigh, 5 or 10 pounds?
2) Liposuction. This is also very expensive and would leave me riddled with holes from my neck to my ankles. Not the kind of holiness I'm looking for.
3) Influenza. This is a promising solution that promises to drop 4 to 10 pounds within just a few days, however, it is extremely messy and requires family members to care for you. I fear with the Xbox in the other room, I might die.
4) Diet. If you break down this word it has brings up many concerns. The first 3 letters are DIE. If you did not already know, this is not good. If you rearrange the letters it spells EDIT. Now I could probably edit what I eat a little better so this is an option. I hate lettuce and carrots so I'll edit those out first. Meat can go. Corn, green beans, peas, raddishes, cabbage, anything that has color... gone. That leaves rice, bread, ice cream, pretty much all things that are white.
5) Exercise. This is difficult because I don't like exercise. I don't like it for a reason though, it hurts. Much like dying, hurting is bad.

I'm not sure what other options there are but will continue the search. Until the pounds come off, I get the flu, or my organs fall out, I guess I'll edit and exercise. This makes me grumpy to think about.